Lately, I’ve been missing the hypomania side of my bipolar two disorder. For those of you not familiar, I become a genius with an almost photographic memory during hypomania—or at least, that’s how it feels to me. Last week, for the first time since my diagnosis, I thought about discontinuing or decreasing my meds just to get that brain revving, energized body feeling.
But the deaths of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain tossed me a huge reminder. If I stop taking my medication, most likely, I’ll not have a hypomanic episode. The evil lady who lives in my head and wants me dead will take control of my thoughts and pull me into a blackness I can’t claw my way out of. (For a more detailed description of this “evil lady” read DEFECTIVE.)
I’m sorry Mrs. Spade, and Mr. Bourdain couldn’t get out of their black holes. They were intelligent people, who on a regular day would understand the need to call for help. But, I’m telling you, when that evil voice is controlling your thoughts, it doesn’t let you reach out.
To help someone who is contemplating suicide, you can’t wait until they come to you. Read up on the subject and learn the warning signs because one day you may be their only barrier between life and death.
Today, if you don’t understand what drives someone to this extreme, be grateful—be very, very grateful.